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Vibrant Vagina
Vibrant Vagina
Welcome to Vibrant Vagina where we share what it’s like to feel rejected in the bedroom in long term relationships and the impact this has on a woman. We focus on how to achieve a positive state of sexual health, mental health and how these aspects of our relationships improve our quality of life.
It’s about embracing this time in our lives and asking for (and getting) what we really want. For many of us, it’s about exploring our erotic potential and a time of rediscovery. It’s for women who are done with the taboos. It’s for women who want intimacy in their lives and are comfortable sharing their lived experience. Because sometimes, we need to hear that we’re not alone but too shame and appearing “inappropriate” stops us in our tracks. Let’s talk about it.
“Sex changes — the expression of it, the energy of it, the rhythm of it, the acrobatics of it. But that doesn’t mean the level of satisfaction has to decline. Sex can be just as satisfying, maybe even more satisfying, as we grow older.”
-Esther Perel
FAQs
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the concept of a "vibrant vagina"?
A "vibrant vagina" represents a state of sexual health and mental well-being in mid-life years. It's about embracing this stage of life, exploring erotic potential, and seeking fulfillment while breaking free from taboos.
2. Who is Vibrant Vagina designed for?
- Vibrant Vagina is designed for women who want intimacy in their lives and are comfortable sharing their experiences anonymously. It's a platform for open conversations about intimate topics that are often shrouded in shame and social expectations.
3. Why is discussing intimacy and sexual health important in mid-life?
Mid-life is a crucial time for self-discovery and embracing one's desires and needs. Open discussions about intimacy and sexual health can have a profound impact on our overall quality of life during this stage.
4. What is the main goal of Vibrant Vagina?
The primary goal of Vibrant Vagina is to provide a safe and supportive space for women to have open, honest, and shame-free conversations about intimacy, sexual health, and mental well-being during mid-life.
5. Who is Emily Clay, and why did she start Vibrant Vagina?
Emily Clay is the founder of Vibrant Vagina. She started the platform as a response to her own challenges with intimacy in her marriage and the lack of resources for discussing such issues. She wanted to create a space where women like her could have candid conversations with their peers.
6. What sets Vibrant Vagina apart from other platforms discussing similar topics?
Vibrant Vagina stands out for its focus on mid-life women's sexual health and well-being. It encourages open discussions without judgment or taboos and provides a safe and anonymous space for sharing experiences.
7. Is Vibrant Vagina LGBTQIA-friendly?
Yes, Vibrant Vagina is LGBTQIA-friendly and welcomes individuals from all backgrounds and orientations to join in discussions about intimacy and sexual health.
8. How can I participate in discussions on Vibrant Vagina?
You can join discussions on Vibrant Vagina by going to the "Anonymous Stories" tab and sharing your thoughts, questions, or experiences anonymously. This allows you to engage in conversations without fear of judgment.
9. What should I do if I have questions or concerns about using Vibrant Vagina?
If you have any questions or concerns about using Vibrant Vagina, you can reach out to our support team, and we'll be happy to assist you.
ANONYMOUS STORY TELLING
Sometimes, we need to talk but shame and appearing “inappropriate” stops us in our tracks. You’re not alone. So let’s talk.
Resources
Books
A few things I’ve learned
12 Online Dating Tips for the Midlife Vibrant Woman
1. Text Their Photo to a Friend
Take a picture of your date’s face from the app and text it to a friend before you leave the house. Even when you meet in a public place. Have their last name? Even better.
2. If it’s Not a “Hell Yes”, it’s a “Hell No”
Life is too short for “meh” dates. Wait until you’re really excited about your date. And yes, video calls ARE your secret weapon.
3. Personal Information with a Capital “P”
Online, many sites have the year you were born and first name and the city where you live. Be careful about providing more information. One man asked me my birthdate and I told him I wasn’t comfortable sharing that information. A normal person would respond by saying, “Oh my gosh. Of course. If I ever ask too much again, please tell me.” A person with nefarious intent will unmatch you – which in my case he did.
4. Be Aware of "Love Bombing"
If the person is too complimentary and flirty and you have not met them yet, run far and run fast. One man texted me a heart shaped latte every morning for a week. When we finally met, I was wearing baggy overalls and he made a negative comment about them. He was an attorney and graduated from Stanford and Yale but the love bombing combined with the criticism are signs of a narcissist. Nope.
5. Lower Your Expectations (+Set Your Own) But Do Not Settle
I know this sounds contradictory but here’s what I mean. Think of it as online shopping. Sometimes you order a fabulous dress that turns out to be a potato sack with sequins. So set time limits, have an escape plan and remember, you’re not auditioning for a lifetime of bad dates. If you lower your expectations walking into it, you can be pleasantly surprised if the person turns out to be awesome. Set your own expectations: One of my friends caps her meetings at 45 minutes. She also asks for a video meeting before meeting IRL. If they are unwilling to do that, it’s a pass for her. Also, if they are 15 minutes late, she sticks to her originally exit time. It can save loads of time and energy. It’s also empowering. No need to settle. If it doesn’t feel right to you, move on. Which leads me to my next bit. . .
6. Have Their Cell Number? Time to Cyberstalk
Time to be a detective. Do a google search of just their phone number. Oftentimes it reveals their last name (then check LinkedIn) and where they live. One time, I learned that someone lied about their age by 5 years, said he owned a home in Oakland Hills and said he knew a mutual contact really well (he wasn’t connected with him on LinkedIn). I should have listened to my gut. He turned out to be a weirdo. If I don’t know their cell, I’ll ask them for their last name before meeting in person. If I can’t find them online, it’s a pass for me.
7. Listen to Your Gut (and Your Date’s Words)
I’m a fan of the quote, “People will tell you who they are, you just have to listen.” One person told me he doesn’t like change. Um what? Another man told me he has an “addictive personality”. While these comments seem innocent enough, it provides a window into their behavior. Listen.
8. Check How You Feel Emotionally
Picture yourself conquering Mount Everest while sipping champagne. Now is the time to channel your inner badassery. Meditate. Envision feeling comfortable during your date – no matter what.
9. Be Independent
Maintaining your independence and continuing to pursue your own hobbies and interests is so important during this time of rediscovery. Think about things you’ve always wanted to try or been curious about and learn something new. Do something that scares you. When you’re passionate about a project or excited about a risk you took, it shines through in conversations.
10. Refrain from TMI On a Date
Save the therapy session for your shrink. Changing the stories that no longer serve us is one option. Focus on what was learned and the great things that are ahead. I went on a 3-hour hike with someone who talked about his ex the entire time. It was not only boring AF, but it was clear that he wasn’t ready for any kind of relationship. Goodbye.
11. No Glove, No Love
If you do meet someone worthy of sleeping with, condoms are king. If they refuse or they have excuses, ask yourself why they are being disrespectful of your wishes. Protect your healthy, vibrant vagina. If you’re not comfortable demanding condom use, then don’t date. Seriously. STIs in our 50s and beyond is no joke. Google “gonorrhea” and click the images. Enough said. Our bodies change and we are more sensitive to PH imbalances and STIs because our vaginal tissue may be more vulnerable to infection than it was before menopause. A word about condoms: There are loads of chemicals on condoms that aren’t great for our midlife vibrant vaginas. There are “vagina- friendly” condoms which means there are no fragrances, dyes, petrochemicals or nitrosamines. One is Hanx and the other is Sustain – not found in pharmacies typically. If things get serious and you both want a monogamous relationship, get tested before going raw. Be sure you see the test results with your own eyes. If you’re both into each other, this should never be an issue.
12. Enjoy the Journey
Online dating should be fun. It’s a great way to meet new people and sometimes meaningful connections happen. I’ve found that being open to friendships is pretty great too. At this stage of life, we’re more confident in our own skin and know what we want and know what we don’t want in our lives. Although it’s not perfect, online dating is a great way to meet new humans. Cheers to new possibilities!